i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
