well you can't waste a boner
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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