I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
