my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Randomize
