I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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