I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
