How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
