Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
I currently don't understand fingers.
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