Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
