worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
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