So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Randomize
