I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
