just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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