someone threw a dead crab at me
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Randomize
