So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Randomize
