i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
