I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
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