I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
