remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
if i died would you start the facebook group?
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
