How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
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