yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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