Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Randomize
