I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize
