Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
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