Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
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