does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
