He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
