My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Randomize
