I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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