I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
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