Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
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