But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
