yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Randomize
