2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Randomize
