Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
