dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
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