yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
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