OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Randomize
