I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
