She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
Everclear isn't food dammit
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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