5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
