i will never coherently bang her
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
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