I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
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