my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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