I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
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