I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
