Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
