Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Randomize
