I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
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