I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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