Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Randomize
